Day 2 12wbt

Today I realised something new.

I lack confidence. I mean, I already knew that but my reason for these feelings are new to me.
I have always told myself "I would do that if I wasn't fat or I could do that if I wasn't fat or I should do that but I'm fat".
It has been my biggest all tine excuse to do nothing!

I think I have always been a little reserved and shy, and i like that. I am happy with that. But somewhere along the way I have used a personality trait to create a new safety net. I no longer gave to step out of my comfort zone and try new things if I gave an actual physical reason why I can't do something.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone or not.

Today, I decided that I will not say no. I will not panic at the thought of a new challenge, big or small. I can try, I can aim and I can do.

I have a enormous fear of flying that I started to tackle in may last year. I completed a fear of flying course with qantas and I flew with the class to Sydney and back. It was huge and it was tough. I then flew to Adelaide with my husband two months later, and again it was hard. Infact mentally exhausting and I needed a rest. It took me weeks to get over the stress and fear. I have not flown since and am struggling to get back in the right mindset to get back on the horse.

Now I have a finale party that I would dearly love to attend. New 12wbtrs there to support me. And I want to do it...I don't know.... But I do know that I want this battle to be over.

I want to believe the strength that is building inside of me will be enough to get me on the road, or the sky, to really take controll of my fears.