Week 8 is it that clear?

I think everything is going ok...just ok because I have not been as rigid with my set menu and much more flexible at mealtimes and training times. I am not as hell bent on doing it all right now! Perfectly! Without exeption or it will all fall apart.
I am assuming this is a good sign that I have more control and better understanding of my bodies needs. I do fear sometimes that it's possibly a step backward, but I don't think so.
I am really focused now on losing weight to feel fitter. Running more, training less but harder and enjoying the benefits of feeling happy and healthy without guilt.
I just didn't realize how big a journey this 12wbt would be/become.
This rnd I have lost 6.3kg and 29cm. I will not reach my goal of 14kg, but perhaps 9 or 10kg, and surprisingly that is fine by me.
And just a quick note to the 12wbt twitterers out there....you inspire me, give me strength, show me how to be gracious, to understand others needs and current paths and to realize how different we can all be but trying to attain similar goals. Thank you. xxxooo

When is enough, enough

I mentioned this briefly before but today I understand a little better.

I love 12wbt and what it has helped ME to achieve.

But I don't want to obsess any longer about it. I don't want to stop, infact my desire to achieve is greater but as I progress and understand more about myself and my health I am finding it a little too intense to think about it ALL the time.

I think it is affecting my family, taking more time than ever before to do my things. And although I don't want this to stop, I need to find more balance. I also need to remember that my youngest will be at four year old kinder next year and I will have more free time than ever before. Time which I hope to have my own PT sessions, swimming, running and shopping!

So between now and then, I need to work on balancing my new lifestyle and understanding my limitations.

I ran 5.09km

Now this is huge coz I've never run in my life.
Yesterday afternoon I ran 5.09km in 47 minutes. I did not stop, I did not falter. The last 5 or so minutes were tough, the hips and legs had little left.
I wasnt sure how far I had run as I felt it was better to get the time done first, rather than the distance but I knew that to get to 4km I would need to run probably 40 minutes, so that's what I set out to do.
I bought a new Addidas tshirt, a spy belt and some iTunes songs ( so yes, it was an expensive run), but I didn't want any excuses when things got tough.

I can actually say, I loved it. I remember emmylou saying weeks ago in a tweet that she may or may not have punched the air! Well Em, I did punch the air, twice, coz I was so freaking happy with myself!
Today, I am still happy and a little excited about my effort. My legs are very tired, quite a different feeling than I have had before, its like they have lost some strength, they will get right by tomorrow.
I love my progression with my physical fitness as I never thought I would achieve what I am, and I know there is even more to come, which makes me the happiest I've ever been!

A good nights sleep

So after an early night last night I'm feeling guite good this morning. I've re read my last post and tried to clear the air with myself.
I think(well, I know), that I have concerns about the 4.2km run I am doing in 2 weeks. There are several things that are worrying me. Can I do it, will I get myself too anxious, will I need to wee, will I find a park, find the girls blah it goes on.
I worry that I am spending too much time on the weekends away from my family, Jells each Saturday, Pump class this Sunday the run the following Sunday. I am telling myself that I'm never usually this busy away from family but it just worked out that way this month, it will settle.
And I think I am anxious that I am 39 and maybe I can't achieve like many of the younger girls, even if I do commit 100%.
in saying all that, I refuse to let old demons (fear and anxiety) take over and stop me from living and achieving.
I will push on, try hard and gain my own respect and pride! I will and I am!

Oops....there goes a hiccup!

Jeepers, jeepers, just when I think I'm safe and moving forward, out from the darkness pops old nasty pants!
You know that grumpy old bugger that says, you didn't do well enough, or try hard enough or look good enough or speak well enough! Yes, I thought he was gone, but alas he's a tough nut to crack.
I love my twitter family and Jells girls so much that on Sunday night I started to doubt the 'realness' of the program. 12wbt has consumed me and obsessed me and I have become a little u comfortable with the thought that I am relying too heavily on the program and the lovely people I have met within it.
I worry that I am pushing myself harder than I have before and that perhaps ( and I don't say this with confidence), that I am not able to achieve what I want. Then what happens?
Do I let down myself, my family, my Jells girls, my twitter friends?
Or am I just over thinking things again.

I've not fallen off the tracks. Weight loss is slower this round but cm reduction is high. I'm running well, my hips not sore and I'm happy. So where has this crap feeling come from?

week3 r3

Well Im well and truly into my second round of 12wbt.

The long and the short of it is that I am happy. I eat well, I exercise daily, I have met great people real or otherwise and I am learning.

I have lost 3 kg so far (3 weeks). but my total weight loss since start of round 2 is 19.5kg.

I am now just as much into physical fitness and development than I am weight loss, which is huge, and weird for me.

I am loving challenges and feeling proud of my physical achievements.

Strangest of all is that I am taking photos of myself again. Something I have not allowed for years. And, suprisingly, most of the pics, I am happy with. I look happy, I look proud and i look like a woman with direction. 

I cannot believe how my mindset has changed. And although i still meet my daily challenges, I face them head on knowing I have the tools and the backing of Michelle Bridges, my Jells Park girls, my twitter family, my husband, my children, and of course myself.

I have no choice but to move forward from here.

Don't be a sook

Today I woke up, wee'd and weighed! And Blammo... Had only lost 100gm since last weigh in. Now official weigh in is not till tomorrow but it sent me into a spin....Again!

This time though, I was not so much frustrated by the result, but frustrated by my response.

I know that I trained hard and was proud of my time trial on SSS, I know that while away on the weekend a maintained my diet so what went wrong.

The answer is.....NOTHING!

I am happy with my week and my choices, I kept control, kept focus and was happy all week.

My first weigh in saw a 1.6kg loss, so things are moving.
Based on last weeks weight I have lost 18.1kg since starting round 2.

So get over the sooking Georgia, coz frankly I'm over it and "Put your wristband on love".