week 3 weigh in...EVE.

Man I am not happy today.
My training this week has sucked big time. I've missed 2 days straight. I drank wine on Sunday night. I am pre menstrual. And I stupidly checked the scales this morning. Almost like a intentional sabotage to create or justify a bad mood. I have lost only .5kg. That is not acceptable. Tomorrow's weigh in will be horrible. I am going to have to work hard to keep my focus.
My hunger has subsided somewhat, but has been replaced by some ridiculous desire for sweet foods. It is a constant battle. I wont give in but I am tired and cant be bothered with the struggle.
I go to bed early, hiding from past habits. As a result, I don't feel like I have seen my husband in days. I know I need to push though this stage. I know this.

week 2 weigh in

Well...Here's to organisation in regard to red flags.
1.3kg down this week and I was expecting the worst due to my night of pre planned partying.
Hangover Sunday was actually more difficult as I craved some salty goodness usually connected to a hangover, but resisted.
I am so so happy with this result. Totally unexpected. In saying that, I trained hard and ate perfectly all week.
It feels good to be heading in the right direction.
I love the food. I love to cook. Many of my tweets are food shots. Annoying to some, I know, but I love the colours in the 12wbt menu. so fresh and so clean.
Now to make sure my happiness relating to my weigh in does not hamper me from pushing hard this week. I must not ease off the pedal but keep pushing forward.
Wishing my friends all the best during these tough times.
It was wonderful to see everyone happy. xxx

Things to remember in life (Dalai Lama).

Follow the 3 R's........Respect for self...Respect for others...Responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values.

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risks.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

Be kind to the Earth.

Week One Complete

Well, Week 1 is complete and all is going reasonably well.
I am very nervous though, regarding week 2 weigh in.
I had a red flag night on Saturday and was well prepared. It was an event that was close to my heart (illness of a friend) and was a non negotiable re drinking. By my choice, of course. I am aware of the outcome of drinking and kept it reasonable.
I ate at 4pm b4 I left home to ensure no party nibble crossed my lips, and they did not, eventhough I helped with the cooking.
So, the long and short of it is...I hope I still lose a little weight on Wednesday but will be upset if I have gained.
My walk/run today went well and I have started the weekly challenge of completing 500 push ups (50 down).
I feel well and happy, sleeping a little restless. but that often happens to me with change.

I enjoy looking ahead 4 weeks to see where I am at. That keeps me going.
xxx

I have returned

Welcome me, for I have returned.

One more round of 12wbt is left in me and I have a plan....a very big plan.
I want this done...no more, "I nearly got where I wanted to be"...no no no! I felt so close and I have almost let is slip away...but I will not go down without a fight.

I have continued to run, continued to train...all the while my diet has slowly taken a backward step until one morning I could no longer say...Oh that weight is just from a big weekend, those 2 kg will be gone by Wednesday.
One morning I awoke to find 8kg of the 30kg I have lost hanging back on me like a dirty reminder of the past.
I will not let that happen, I will not go back.
Past rounds taught me about pride and personal achievement. Wanting peoples praise and offer encouragement is nice, but not necessary. To keep moving forward knowing you are doing your best to achieve something great.

I still agree with that but this round I will not be the quiet achiever, I will not search for praise, I will not demand or expect praise but I will damn well get it!
This round, for me, is all about power, strength, fight and desire!

Sometimes I sook, sometimes a cry, sometimes I wonder why, but this time I will fight for my goals.
I will not stop until I know in my heart, that I have achieved.
That is my promise to myself.

I'm tuning 40 in February!

After reading a fellow friends post today, I was left wondering what 2011 and 2012 have meant and have in store for me.
(any bad typing due to iPhone).
Firstly 2012 I turn 40. Not sure I'm over the moon about this but I do have focus, direction, determination, strength, pride and happiness. So that's a great way to start.
I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be and await the challenges of 2012 eagerly.
My 2012 is about running, clean eating and loving everything for what it is and as it is.
12wbt had given me the tools to lose 26kg and to become fit.
Jells park has given me the tools to understand and appreciate the joys of a group, a team, something I've always been scared of. Funnily, this was my biggest challenge and thank goodness I stayed strong!
I am thankful to coachrell and all the girls. Special thanks to Bec and em coz I love yu and to dear Maz!
Thanks Lisa for my 1st pump class...squats are nasty!!!
Thanks Lisa. Rell cel em Bec Jess jacki and Maz for the fun runs. Rells runners are unbelievable!
Now for my holiday list... I have run every 2nd day (8 runs), joined a beach yoga session, wore bathers and swam in the surf, helped with the Nippers program and played golf with my husband and dad.

Now if I have done this in 3 weeks, imagine what 2i can do fir the rest of 2012?!
I smile at the thought:)

Week 8 is it that clear?

I think everything is going ok...just ok because I have not been as rigid with my set menu and much more flexible at mealtimes and training times. I am not as hell bent on doing it all right now! Perfectly! Without exeption or it will all fall apart.
I am assuming this is a good sign that I have more control and better understanding of my bodies needs. I do fear sometimes that it's possibly a step backward, but I don't think so.
I am really focused now on losing weight to feel fitter. Running more, training less but harder and enjoying the benefits of feeling happy and healthy without guilt.
I just didn't realize how big a journey this 12wbt would be/become.
This rnd I have lost 6.3kg and 29cm. I will not reach my goal of 14kg, but perhaps 9 or 10kg, and surprisingly that is fine by me.
And just a quick note to the 12wbt twitterers out there....you inspire me, give me strength, show me how to be gracious, to understand others needs and current paths and to realize how different we can all be but trying to attain similar goals. Thank you. xxxooo

When is enough, enough

I mentioned this briefly before but today I understand a little better.

I love 12wbt and what it has helped ME to achieve.

But I don't want to obsess any longer about it. I don't want to stop, infact my desire to achieve is greater but as I progress and understand more about myself and my health I am finding it a little too intense to think about it ALL the time.

I think it is affecting my family, taking more time than ever before to do my things. And although I don't want this to stop, I need to find more balance. I also need to remember that my youngest will be at four year old kinder next year and I will have more free time than ever before. Time which I hope to have my own PT sessions, swimming, running and shopping!

So between now and then, I need to work on balancing my new lifestyle and understanding my limitations.

I ran 5.09km

Now this is huge coz I've never run in my life.
Yesterday afternoon I ran 5.09km in 47 minutes. I did not stop, I did not falter. The last 5 or so minutes were tough, the hips and legs had little left.
I wasnt sure how far I had run as I felt it was better to get the time done first, rather than the distance but I knew that to get to 4km I would need to run probably 40 minutes, so that's what I set out to do.
I bought a new Addidas tshirt, a spy belt and some iTunes songs ( so yes, it was an expensive run), but I didn't want any excuses when things got tough.

I can actually say, I loved it. I remember emmylou saying weeks ago in a tweet that she may or may not have punched the air! Well Em, I did punch the air, twice, coz I was so freaking happy with myself!
Today, I am still happy and a little excited about my effort. My legs are very tired, quite a different feeling than I have had before, its like they have lost some strength, they will get right by tomorrow.
I love my progression with my physical fitness as I never thought I would achieve what I am, and I know there is even more to come, which makes me the happiest I've ever been!

A good nights sleep

So after an early night last night I'm feeling guite good this morning. I've re read my last post and tried to clear the air with myself.
I think(well, I know), that I have concerns about the 4.2km run I am doing in 2 weeks. There are several things that are worrying me. Can I do it, will I get myself too anxious, will I need to wee, will I find a park, find the girls blah it goes on.
I worry that I am spending too much time on the weekends away from my family, Jells each Saturday, Pump class this Sunday the run the following Sunday. I am telling myself that I'm never usually this busy away from family but it just worked out that way this month, it will settle.
And I think I am anxious that I am 39 and maybe I can't achieve like many of the younger girls, even if I do commit 100%.
in saying all that, I refuse to let old demons (fear and anxiety) take over and stop me from living and achieving.
I will push on, try hard and gain my own respect and pride! I will and I am!

Oops....there goes a hiccup!

Jeepers, jeepers, just when I think I'm safe and moving forward, out from the darkness pops old nasty pants!
You know that grumpy old bugger that says, you didn't do well enough, or try hard enough or look good enough or speak well enough! Yes, I thought he was gone, but alas he's a tough nut to crack.
I love my twitter family and Jells girls so much that on Sunday night I started to doubt the 'realness' of the program. 12wbt has consumed me and obsessed me and I have become a little u comfortable with the thought that I am relying too heavily on the program and the lovely people I have met within it.
I worry that I am pushing myself harder than I have before and that perhaps ( and I don't say this with confidence), that I am not able to achieve what I want. Then what happens?
Do I let down myself, my family, my Jells girls, my twitter friends?
Or am I just over thinking things again.

I've not fallen off the tracks. Weight loss is slower this round but cm reduction is high. I'm running well, my hips not sore and I'm happy. So where has this crap feeling come from?

week3 r3

Well Im well and truly into my second round of 12wbt.

The long and the short of it is that I am happy. I eat well, I exercise daily, I have met great people real or otherwise and I am learning.

I have lost 3 kg so far (3 weeks). but my total weight loss since start of round 2 is 19.5kg.

I am now just as much into physical fitness and development than I am weight loss, which is huge, and weird for me.

I am loving challenges and feeling proud of my physical achievements.

Strangest of all is that I am taking photos of myself again. Something I have not allowed for years. And, suprisingly, most of the pics, I am happy with. I look happy, I look proud and i look like a woman with direction. 

I cannot believe how my mindset has changed. And although i still meet my daily challenges, I face them head on knowing I have the tools and the backing of Michelle Bridges, my Jells Park girls, my twitter family, my husband, my children, and of course myself.

I have no choice but to move forward from here.

Don't be a sook

Today I woke up, wee'd and weighed! And Blammo... Had only lost 100gm since last weigh in. Now official weigh in is not till tomorrow but it sent me into a spin....Again!

This time though, I was not so much frustrated by the result, but frustrated by my response.

I know that I trained hard and was proud of my time trial on SSS, I know that while away on the weekend a maintained my diet so what went wrong.

The answer is.....NOTHING!

I am happy with my week and my choices, I kept control, kept focus and was happy all week.

My first weigh in saw a 1.6kg loss, so things are moving.
Based on last weeks weight I have lost 18.1kg since starting round 2.

So get over the sooking Georgia, coz frankly I'm over it and "Put your wristband on love".

Day 2 12wbt

Today I realised something new.

I lack confidence. I mean, I already knew that but my reason for these feelings are new to me.
I have always told myself "I would do that if I wasn't fat or I could do that if I wasn't fat or I should do that but I'm fat".
It has been my biggest all tine excuse to do nothing!

I think I have always been a little reserved and shy, and i like that. I am happy with that. But somewhere along the way I have used a personality trait to create a new safety net. I no longer gave to step out of my comfort zone and try new things if I gave an actual physical reason why I can't do something.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone or not.

Today, I decided that I will not say no. I will not panic at the thought of a new challenge, big or small. I can try, I can aim and I can do.

I have a enormous fear of flying that I started to tackle in may last year. I completed a fear of flying course with qantas and I flew with the class to Sydney and back. It was huge and it was tough. I then flew to Adelaide with my husband two months later, and again it was hard. Infact mentally exhausting and I needed a rest. It took me weeks to get over the stress and fear. I have not flown since and am struggling to get back in the right mindset to get back on the horse.

Now I have a finale party that I would dearly love to attend. New 12wbtrs there to support me. And I want to do it...I don't know.... But I do know that I want this battle to be over.

I want to believe the strength that is building inside of me will be enough to get me on the road, or the sky, to really take controll of my fears.

Task 5 round 3

I am strong
I am proud
And I am here.

My focus is set on clean eating, strong training and positive thoughts.

My goal is to lose 14kg in round 3 to equal round 2 results.

I am ready and eager and I wait for no man!

I am here to slam round 3!

This is my commitment to you

week 12. final weigh in smashed!

I can now officially use the term ' smashed' because thats what i have done.
  In round 2 12wbt i have lost 14.4kg, 51cm and can now run 1km in 7 minuted 49 seconds.
i am happy, proud, emotional, excited and just damn glad to have held to my guns and got through this challenge.
i have been to 3 group training sessions, which i would never have done. and i have run, in public twice now and felt great.
i wont rest yet though. This is just the beginning. I can get stronger, I will get stronger.
  I love that I can, for the first time, see my strength and my power and that I can not only give it to myself but I can share it with others, give them strength and encouragment. It is a beautiful feeling.
  But before i get sooky on myself I have one most amazing outcome from this experience.

  This challenge was about me, what I wanted to be and where I wanted to go......My outcome was simply to look good, be healthy and be proud of myself.

But what i did get, was children who showed genuine love and affection toward me and my efforts, they got involved in walking, jogging and dvd's with me, told me they were proud of me and that i am the best mummy ever. they have told me i am happier all the time and that they love playing games with me now.
I have a super husband, our love has never faltered in 18 years. but in 12 weeks we have grown stronger.I have been more open and honest about how i feel. He, inturn has encouraged, understood, laughed, joked and stood by me the whole program, even when he really wanted steak, not lentil bog!

This is my life now, and Ill be damned if im ever going to give it up.

This is my KICKIT12WBT

week 11 wednesday weigh in

Finally a day where I do not have to fight any demons to keep my head straight.  This week my loss was 1.2kg. I am very happy with that and the efforts made over the past 7 days. I have ramped up my exercise, my running, pushing myself with my dvd's and have been, for the second time, to a group fitness session at Jells park (frichot fitness).
i am really loving the exercise, I cant believe I am saying that. I am not a physco addict yet but I am more than unhappy if a miss a days training.  And the results show the importance of excercise.
This is my best weight loss to date.
I have a niggle in my mind though, that I would like to share. Myself, like amny others are already signed up for round three, which, I believe starts a couple of weeks after round 2 finishes. Do I really push myself in that break period or just aim to stay at the same weight and enjoy a few simple pleasures. I think I know what i should do but it is an issue i need to play around with over the coming weeks.
but I am loving where this 12WBT challenge is leading me!  Go get'em guys!

week 10 weigh in despair

ok. not what i expected or wanted. 700gm loss.
this last week felt like a big turn around for me. I felt like i understood where i was at and how to reach my goals. i felt stronger and braver and you could not burst my bubble. till this morning.
i wanted a bigger number like 1.1kg or even a little higher and it didnt come. I growled, i cried and spat the big dummy.
But here it is Georgia,   I expected more because my ideas and thoughts of myself have changed so dramatically in 1 week.  Those thoughts and feelings will make me stronger for the future, they are not indicitive of what my result should have been or was today!
I must remember to keep the positives in, be proud of my achievements and the rest will follow. I dont want to crumble at the drop of a hat. That is not me, I am far stronger and i am moving forward.

My promise to @12wbt any myself is;
MY GOAL AND COMMITMENT TO MYSELF AND TO YOU IS TO LOSE 16KG IN ROUND 2 12WBT.
I AM STRONG, FOCUSED AND WORTHY, AND I WILL SUCCEED.
I WILL COMMIT TO THE TRAINING, THE MENU AND MY NEW LIFESTYLE, AND I AM COMMITED TO DO THE WORK IT TAKES TO GET THERE.
AND IT WILL START TODAY!

I can say with all honestly, I have kept up to that promise. I may not quite reach 16kg but i have bloody tried hard and i am a better person as a result.

week 10 Jells park 12wbt workout

week 10 weigh in tomorrow and I am hoping for a good result. 1.1kg would make me happy. I am currently down to 88.9kg last wednesday.
Last weekend I bit the bullet...And that is I went to a 12wbt training session with frichot fitness and some twitter buddies to Jells park. I was so nervous. i have always refused to do any outside training for fear of looking like a fool.
i got in the car, drove down the road and turned home. I sat at home for a few minutes and just told myself..no.. this is your chance, an opportunity, dont regret not going. i got back in the car and just made it to jells on time. And i am happy to say, i loved it...i felt like i had acheived something great, the monkey was off my back. Everyone was so so lovely and i loved the feeling of making an effort. it all became so much more real for me.
this journey has truely left me feeling so much more in control of my life and my choices (even if my house is a little messier), i love the challenge i am now faced with rather than dreading it. i am proud of myself, and im not sure i have ever said that.
round 3 will be the final step to making sure i can keep the focus in moving forward, but i am loving this.

week 8 and loving this!

Ok 36cm gone! 10.3kg gone. I can run, i feel fit and I am happy! I have gone from 100.1kg to 89.8kg. I have not been in the 80's for 10 years!
I have had many ups and downs so far and have ridden the waves of life well, infact far better than I could have imagined.
I have been amazed at how much, a few weeks ago, I was desperate for people to notice my changes and comment on how great things were going for me. That praise did not come! And for a week, it broke me!
It was the strangest feeling, I wanted to give up, I hated people for not noticing and i hated myself. i still cant quite understand my emotions and how lack of praise almost sent me in a spin. i can now see, that is the EXACT point that I have slipped up in the past. No one cares and nothing changes, so why continue?
But this time it struck me. I hung in there, and it was that very week that I began to feel emotionally and physically different. the lightbulb moment! Praise is nice, but it does not change my goal, does not alter what I need to do or how I need to continue. Other than make me feel a bit nice and happy with myself..BUT,I can give myself all of that now. I have given myself chioces. I have given myself health. I have given myself encouragement, strength, perseverence and I have given myself love. I am crying re reading this as I am so suprised by where I have found myself and am eternally grateful to Michelle Bridges, 12wbt, twitter friends, husband, children and MYSELF. xxoo